All I Want For Christmas Is........My Sanity

Okay so it has been a while since I last published. I thought I had better snap to and put something in today. Kind of boring but I thought I'd write about how my Christmas went.

The holidays this season were very strange indeed. It all started when the doorbell rang a few days before Christmas. I had initially been annoyed as I was upstairs and had just assumed it was my neighbour. I thought to myself "what an idiot, we don't knock anymore" and feeling a little disgruntled, trudged down the stairs to answer the door. But when I opened it there stood my father's wife and her son with Christmas presents for my little one. I nearly fell over. Those who are familiar with me will tell you the background on this story is incredibly long and arduous. Since this is the place to vent, rest assured I will post the history another time. But suffice it to say that we are not on speaking terms. Anyway it was a short visit. They said my father couldn't make it because he was home with the other granchild, whose parent interestingly enough was the other adult in the doorway. My feeling is that my father could have easily made the trip but elected not to. Being the cordial person that I am I don't leave a good deed go unnoticed, and I phoned to say thank you. It was a sometimes tense phone conversation to be sure.

The 22nd was my last bit of running around. Thank God! While I was out I took my daughter to visit Santa. Upon seeing him she ran at him and was on his lap, just as the previous children were coming off and most certainly before he was ready for her. On the 23rd my daughter made a bone-headed move. She ended up melting a plastic bag on the lamp bulb and didn't say anything until I smelled something burning. Needless to say it was a scary close call, and a stern discussion followed about safety rules and the like. Later that same day we went to our old town to visit with folks we deem much worthier to be considered family then the ones we were actually saddled with. They have been there for us through thick and thin, and are wonderful people. We spent Christmas eve with them as well. It was a great time of exchanging gifts seeing people we hadn't in ages, and feasting on a great many delicious items, including an unnatural quantity of peanuts. We then came home exhausted but not too tired to take part in our own little traditions. These include hot chocolate, a Christmas movie or music, and getting a plate of milk and cookies ready for Santa, then attaching a handwritten note. After she went to bed I began wrapping presents as I had put it off thinking that it wouldn't be too bad. I was up until 3am.

Christmas morning my daughter awoke earlier than I would have preferred but waited as patiently as she could for me to rise, then just about dragged me down the stairs to see if Santa had visited. It almost broke my heart when as she was opening her first present she turned and said "Mom I really didn't know if Santa was coming to see me. Because I melted the bag on the light I thought he wouldn't bring me any presents. I'm really happy he put me back on his nice list." I was dumbfounded because I hadn't even mentioned Santa in my reprimand. I hadn't realized that it had been bothering her to that extent. I wanted to get my point across but I had never meant for her to be carrying that kind of weight and worry for days. It's just simply in bad taste to mess with a kid's Christmas so it might have been too hard a lesson for her, and I feel very guilty about it.

She came away from Christmas morning with a pretty good haul. She didn't get a couple of things on her wish list, but for the most part received what she was really pining for. When we cracked open the box from my father it made mention that it was from my father and his wife, my mother...but they neglected to mention her husband, interesting. It also listed the dogs from both families. Inside this box was a nightmare, a very spiteful gift and I was neither amused nor impressed. It contained everything that could come out of a box in a thousand tiny pieces and make one hell of a mess. There were oil pastels, art sets, bead sets, jewellery kits, a makeup set including fake nails, stickers, tattoos, paints, markers, glitter etc... Oh and the worst was a streaking kit to turn her hair the most gawdy shades of pink and blue. How nice. Of course when she saw this she had it in her mind to dig right in. And naturally they couldn't be bothered to send her a place to do these activities on, like an art table or an easel. So until I can afford one for her, all of it is off limits. She wanted to know why she couldn't play with them. I told her honestly that it was because she had no where to do or store those things, and that they had sent her those types of activities to be mean to me. Not because they had the slightest idea what she was actually interested in. She's a very intelligent kid and she became very angry and said it was rude of them to have done that. I am so inclined to agree.

Finally yesterday on Boxing day the phone rang. It was my mother whom I am also not on speaking terms with. She phoned to tell me that my great-grandmother had finally passed away on Saturday. She said that she had not phoned me before so we could enjoy Christmas. To be honest it doesn't have any effect on me because the woman has had a foot in the grave for the better part of a decade. I'm kind of happy that she finally let go. I had my daughter get on the phone to say thank you for the gifts. I was shocked when she told me that her and my father's wife had a really good time going shopping for them. What!? As it turns out my mother came to the city for Grey Cup. Yeah the woman who complains about how much it costs to almost never come and visit, can spend that and then some to come and drop more than 400 dollars on a football game. In all the time I have known her I have never once seen her watch football on TV. Not once during her time here did she even think about phoning her granddaughter to see her, because she rarely does as it is, and it would have been a lovely gesture. So sad. Then came the clincher. She had the nerve to tell me that they got all that stuff so that my daughter and I will have something to do together and she won't watch so much TV. Pretty amazing insight for someone that can't be bothered to know anything about us or our life. Anyone that knows us will tell you that we are always doing other things. We go to the park, I take her skating and swimming, we go outside to play etc... When we are home we are still playing, or doing crafts, colouring, playing downstairs in the toy room, reading book after book in her room. She doesn't spend a lot of time in front of the TV at all, and never once in her whole life have I ever sat her in front of the television to shirk my duties as a parent. The nerve. Family... Ha, be damned! Oh and one final note. They sent her a movie which she would watch where????

Anyway that was Christmas 2006 at our house. Sorry if this blog ran a little overtime. You know how the holidays are. Have a Happy New Year. We'll see you in 2007.

Cowboys And Me, The Lone Indian

I don't get it. I finally get out of the house for the evening, which is a rarity for me. And the only thing I manage to attract is the biggest loser there, who has been told outright that I am not at all interested. Even so, despite this still won't quit hanging around. What is my problem? I get all gussied up and everything, which is no small feat as it goes completely against my nature. I kept my hair down and some would argue that's more rare than a virgin birth. Okay so here's what happened.

We went to a club for a friend's second annual 29th birthday. I could sense trouble when this fella kept putting himself between me and the bar, all the while getting closer to me until finally he's parked right next to my chair. Okay fine. He's immediately told his efforts at courtship will be futile because he simply is not my type. He is a balding middleaged librarian-meets-blue collar type of guy. Not at all what I enjoy. I am more into the dark and sophisticated professional-meets-he man type, though preferably without the rampant infidelity. After all, been there done that. Anyway back to my story.

So I get up and move to the bar both for another round, and also to check out the offerings. A bar is like a giant porch light, that the moths just cannot help themselves but to run back to over and over until they drop. So I am fairly confident that I have left this guy in the dust for the time being, and I set about finally going to capture myself some attention. I am at the bar for a good half an hour waiting to get my drink. I am looking at my options and likewise they are looking me over as well. Suddenly I hear him and turn to find that he has pushed his way to the front of the line to stand next to me. Then, like some weird dolphin sonar signal given off, everyone else dissapates in his wake.

As the night wears on I come to terms with having to cut my losses this time around. I wish myself luck for next time. Apparently I'm going to need it. This guys spends the whole time at his post, next to where I am sitting. He does not ask for my number thank God. But like some socially inept goof indirectly leaves me his phone number through my friend, which we vow to dispose of at the first available opportunity. I am nearly at the exit but stop first to get my coat at the coat check. My friend and I discuss this guy while we wait and try to decide if he could possibly be a threat. When all of a sudden again low and behold, who should appear out of nowhere to bid me adieu. That's it! I'm going home. With any luck I won't have to wait until my own second annual 29th birthday to find better promise. Hear's to me and dreesing up for nothing.

Ten Days Plus One, And Counting

Christmas time this year has been somewhat different from years previous. For one thing I have a child who is now old enough to be devious. She doesn't overtly snoop for things, but she is just clueless enough to walk into a room at the most inopportune moment. So I am going to have to take a look around our new house and figure out which is the most suitable hiding place.

I still have a few more things to buy. After that it's just stocking stuffers and I can officialy consider myself finished. It has been a busy holiday season so far. Not without stress as things for us are extremely tight this year. But we have also managed to add a few traditions. I put christmas lights up on our home, we decorated a gingerbread house, and my daughter sung christmas carols at the hospital. Overall it has been really good and we have enjoyed ourselves. Next on the list of things to do is some christmas baking. Should be interesting.

Shopping is definately going better this year. So far I haven't had much trouble finding the items I'm looking for. Although I don't relish the claustrophobic feelings associated with cramming ridiculous numbers of anxious and moody consumers into stores unable to accommodate them. I still a sucker for the decorations, the holiday music, and the festive merriment. There is something I often wonder about though, and I saw it again today. I notice an almost a dissociative stare on everyone's face. I can understand it from the perspective of wanting to get it done and over with, or whatever. But I sincerely hope I don't look that way. I certainly wouldn't want to project myself as merely trying to survive the christmas season, without taking the time to stop and enjoy it.

Kids These Days

I have thusfar found blogging to be more therapeutic then I first assumed. It has an almost cathartic satisfaction in jotting something down, and then being done with it. The only trouble so far is trying to decide what it is I wish to write about because I still have yet to decide which direction I'm going to take this.

However that being said, for today I think I'll focus on current events. My daughter is going to be the end of me. I realize that now she is in school and spends hours being influenced by other five year olds, she has taken on the assumption that I am an idiot. This is a child who has been carefully taught the rules and values of our household, and has overall exceeded my expectations in terms of behaving accordingly. Now it seems that all of a sudden she has concluded her friends in all of five years of existence, have infinitely more wisdom than I, her mother in all of.....however many years I have been around.

She has since picked up some very negative habits and behaviours. For example, some of her friends have trouble remembering to wash their hands after using the restroom. Which has rubbed off on my daughter and I am now left to clothesline her in the hallway before she can touch anything. Some have issues with nervous behaviour such as consistantly having their hands in their mouths. Mine now models that same behaviour which is driving me to madness, but Freud would be thrilled. One of the major issues she has picked up though is having an affect on her speech. She has always spoken beautifully as she is advanced in terms of her language skills. However she is now regressed to mimicking their one word speech patterns. Wonderful. I'd tell her she sounds retarded but even Rainman articulated well by comparison. What I cannot handle is the lack of patience, as in demanding for immediate gratification. More than that are the smarty-pants comments when addressing me. She would have never dared do something that life-threatening before we moved here. Now because she sees them do it with little or no consequence she tries to bring it home, where she gets blasted for it. But still it continues to be a problem.

I am hopeful that this is just going to be a phase she goes through. I certainly do not want to have to resort to altering her relationships when she has had difficulty making the adjustment to moving here. She values her new friendships and I know that I will not be able to keep her from being influenced by outside sources to some degree. But surely I imagined she'd have more of a backbone with regards to not allowing others to affect her so drastically. I also don't want to continually be getting into altercations with her over correcting one thing after another, after another. Something has to happen soon though because either she's lost her mind, or I'm about to lose mine.

Introductions Are A Must

Okay so it's day two and I thought perhaps I should give a little insight into who I am. As far as I am concerned there are three things that are absolute and make up the core of what defines me. First and perhaps foremost, I am a non-denominational christian. I am a child of God the Father and saved through Christ Jesus, who is my Lord and Saviour. Next, I am my daughter's mother. She is my most precious blessing, and no matter what happens in life, she will always be my baby. Lastly, I am a proud and patriotic Canadian. I was born and raised in Canada and don't have any desires to be anywhere but where I am. It is me, it is what I represent, and I cherish it.

I suppose I could have listed other other things as well. I am a woman, a daughter, and so on, that sort of thing. But I did not want to get into generalizations that marginalize what I believe to be paramount. Other differentia may have changing definitions depending on circumstance and societal norms. So for me personally it is only those three things. Without them I would not have a foundation on which to build and develop anything else.

Thus Begins A Journey

Blogging is a faily new thing to me. I was unsure what to make of it, until I discovered that it is simply an online journal of sorts. A place to claim one's right to the freedom of speech. Somewhere where I can state my opinions, thoughts, or ideas. I can vent and express how I feel about circumstances. I imagine that will come in mighty handy. I think what I like most about a blog is that it is a record of how things were, an online history of the issues and events that I found personally relavent at the time. It'll be good for me especially because I tend to be forgetful, even so much as I cannot always remember where I have written things of importance down. I guess one of these is what the writer makes of it. Although I'm not entirely certain what purpose this will best serve for me yet, I can only hope that in the long run it will have been a wise undertaking.

One thing I will say outright is that I have absolutely no experience in terms of how to write one of these or how to make it look nice. Things like that I suppose will come with experience. In the meantime forgive my ignorance. I will try my level best to have as few kinks and mistakes as I possibly can. With that, my first entry is done.